When Did I Get So Stupid?

Before you offer an opinion, let me explain.

At dinner last month, Harper told us about this "really awesome" song she danced to during Music and Movement class at school.

Harper: "It's about a fox."

Nick: "Was it 'What Does the Fox Say?'"

Harper: "Yes, yes, yes! That was it!"

Me, blank stare: "What does the what say? That's a song?"

Nick, looking incredulous: "You are so out of touch with pop culture."

He was kind enough to find this strange little song on youtube so I could hear what everyone else on the planet thought was cool last fall. Here it is for those of you who, like me, have existed under a rock for the past six months.

This is seriously disturbing, right?

But here's the thing: I rarely have a chance to actually engage with pop culture. In the car, the girls are either forcing me to listen to some inane cartoon on the DVD player or demanding I play Taylor Swift's song "22" for the 4,146th time.

If the television is on at home, it's usually tuned to one of the Juniors - Nick or Disney. I occasionally squeeze in a DVRed episode of "Parenthood" in 15-minute increments during the day, and Nick and I sometimes manage to watch a not-fit-for-children-let-alone-adults TV show after the girls go to bed. But mostly we just collapse in a heap.

So no, I have no clue what's popular or trending or being discussed at the water cooler. My day-to-day interactions with pop culture consist largely of contemplating where Max and Ruby's parents are and organizing Barbie fashion shows. It's understandable that I'm a bit out of touch.

What's not as excusable is my new found inability to read.

I'm only admitting to this because Nick threatened to go public if I didn't. And I'm sure he wouldn't frame my mistakes in an appropriate or remotely flattering light. So here goes.

First and completely by accident, I bought a book written by Glenn Beck. If you know me at all, you'll quickly recognize that his conservative opinions aren't exactly my cup of tea.

That must be why Nick laughed so uproariously when I returned from a news stand in the Atlanta airport with "Agenda 21" in tow. Seriously - people were stopping to stare at the spectacle.

Nick, laughing uncontrollably: "You bought a Glenn Beck book?"  

Me: "No, I didn't. This is a fictional book, not political. Must just be a guy with the same name." 

Nick, laughing even harder now: "Nope, that's written by the Glenn Beck. The same one you rail against. Check out the author information."

Me: "Oh. Oh, no."

And so, head hung down in shame, I ambled back to the news stand to inquire about an exchange. Nick was still laughing when I got back.

Keep in mind this occurred when we were flying to Wichita to buy a house. I was a bit distracted. I think that at least partially explains my lack of attention to detail. However, there's really no good excuse for my next goof up.

I bought "A Song of Fire and Ice" when Google Play put it on sale back around Christmas. Nick and I had both read the first book, "Game of Thrones," a couple of years ago and we were going to take turns reading the rest of the books. Then we could join everyone else we know and start watching the TV show.

So I dove right into the second book, all the while declaring that I should have reread the first book because there was a lot of details I had forgotten. Even so, I enjoyed it and was anxious to discuss it with Nick.

After Nick started the second book, I would periodically ask him what was happening. He'd give me a quick plot summary. I'd just smile and nod because I had no idea what he was talking about. I had no recollection of the chapter he was describing.

I figured I must have skipped a couple of chapters, and eventually he'd start recounting events I recognized. When he finished the second book, I asked him what he thought. He gave a noncommittal, "It was pretty good."

"What?!" I basically shouted. "That's your reaction to all that happened in book two? What did you think about (major plot development)?"

Turns out, I ended up giving away a big spoiler since I had READ THE WRONG BOOK. Somehow, I just skipped book two altogether and went straight to book three.

How? How could I have done this? A better question - why did I not double check when the material I was reading didn't make any sense?

Seriously. I'm worried about myself peeps. Is it Kansas making me stupid? Is senility setting in early?

I don't know, but I do think Harper's teacher should check my car before I leave school to make sure I'm actually taking the right kid home.